lockdowns were the most intense data-gathering exercise yet

What if those lockdowns were a massive set of experiments? The science kept developing that's for sure! Testament to our unique British Genius. Three cheers all round.

But above all else those lockdowns were the most intense data-gathering exercise yet. A fairly large set of areas, right across the country, but especially in deprived regions, were singled out as test-beds.

We sat indoors scrolling the internet and posting witty memes and when the phone battery went flat you were on the tablet instead, isn't it? The clicks you made, the videos you watched, the stuff you bought off amazon, the crap you flogged off on eBay: this perfect string of data easily linked to your every device, your social profiles, those message boards with the clever alias? All mapped and analysed. Keep your phone on you at all times.

And stopping in, in the warm, four-episodes-of-Top-Boy-on-a-jag and: oh, is that the time? So many people now will carry on exactly as they were trained to do. Vegetate, hibernate, order Deliveroo. The ample supply of takeaway food (somehow all these restaurants thriving) less crime on the street, a few more heart attacks, occasional drugs raids, another pub is shut down.

But it's quite cosy really isn't it?

The Deliveroo drivers are often young Asian-looking men. Riding around without any lights on. Get chatting to one and you soon realise: this guy is too inteliigent to be riding a bike around for peanuts. "Oh just until soemthing else turns up" (he said last year).

Now: the problem here in the welfare states, see, is that the ageing population is costing us us (you, the tax payer) a fortune. Actual hit squads would be impolite. But some careful, bit-by-bit nudging towards oblivion could be an awful help. In a caring way. No point delaying the inevitable, right? Some illnesses are so painful, protracted, posing mad demands on sisters and daughters. There's a solution being developed for that!

In the target areas (that's merely what the data analysts called them, it seemed good-enough) the vape shops seemed to hang on with admirable resilience. Them and the takeaways. And the Barbers. Friendly, but always deserted, nearly always. The cousin of the barber pops in quite a lot and is friendly but comes across ever-so-slightly as a plain clothes cop. Not in every barber shop I hasten to add. Some will ship out an ounce or two of weed to youngsters on a bike. Plenty of hair cutting too. Nail bars:

..is anyone really sure what's in that stuff? Breathing it in every month for a couple of hours you come out of there faintly exhilarated (oh it's turned so cold!) but it's as much the spending of the money, and it being obvious that you've spent the money and are not some povvo. But they do look good, push it out on Instagram.

Let alone all-day-every-day. Have you seen the children some of those girls are having..?

So now you've more or less got to fill in a long web questionnaire to get the doctor surgery to even call you. Next week. That's the reception to book you in a time for an actual telephone call. Oh CoVid we had to change all our policies and procedures, so sorry.

A guilty-'til-proven-innocent welfare benefit system rigorously divides some of the population into deserving and undeserving classes. Like it has for centuries. The unfortunate widow gets some cash from the vicar, the defiant ex-labourer gets stuffed in the workhouse with his hangers-on. Or takes to counterfeiting. Brewing hooch. FastForward:

The Capacity for Work Test is the algorithm that decides whether to sanction you or spare you. Personally I think anyone who can demonstrate that they could not tolerate the shared psychosis known as Work should be given a certificate. Let it be framed and glimpsed through the window by dripping passersby scuttling home from the train. Planting that seed of doubt. No:

..better keep on at it only twelve more years to go. (but still: could chucking it all in be an idea?)

The sanctions work like this: for every number bumped off the Sicky payroll the private company (with a fiduciary duty) gets a pre-determined number of weeks' saved benefit. They can keep it. On to the next case: this month's Conversion rate is a biggie.

The sanctioned person can choose to (a) starve or (b) seek charity. From family, friends, aunties, or actual charities. And nothing wrong with that. And there's counterfeiting. Selling baccy.

But a percentage (and it picks up in the winter) never survive to win their Appeal. This is not a mistake.

Meanwhile granddads are getting letters inviting them to take a Health Check. It's a new initiative you see. A letter turns up by email a few days later. A series of tables show where you are Below Target. We could offer you some tablets.

And now you're 60 the tablets are free. If you can get roped in to a steady carousel of take these to relieve the side-effects of those, let's try some statins maybe? And a percentage of people will get better and play with the next batch of grandkids yet. But a percentage will mysteriously wither off, It's all over. I'm sure it's totally random.

(And he was so looking forward to drawing his pension.)

Back at the GP Practice the impressive team of folks who type stuff into computers are looking forward to the Christmas Party this year. Targets met, pay increases rumoured (in this day and age!), the boss of the boss of the boss (off in Delaware) might be makinbg a special visit soon. Some kind of EuroSector tour.

Statistics and statins and the last-but-fourth Health Minister was overheard to mutter"...and suicides..!"

LOL.